I have always been blessed with beautiful hair. Full and wavy, I could wear it short or long. I’ve had fun with it throughout the years. I’ve worn it really short, with perms or highlights, or asymmetrical cuts.
Now, with this chemo treatment, being without hair is a new experience. I had lost a lot of hair with my first cancer treatment three years ago, but I never lost it all. When it got really thin, I did start wearing scarves, but I still had hair on my head. Now, I have just peach fuzz.
This time around, I lost my hair in clumps. I’d put my hand through my hair and a huge fist full would come out. I sat with a bag by the couch as I watched television, so I had a place to put my hair as it fell out. I went for a ride in the car with all of the windows down and the sun roof open, hoping the wind would just blow it away. That didn’t really work.
I probably could’ve lasted with hair a bit longer, but it actually hurt. I’d sleep on it, and the next day it hurt to brush it out. So I did it! I shaved my head. It felt empowering! It was on my time. It turned into a sort of party. My friends came over, my sister showed up. My friend Lee had never shaved a head, but she honestly said, “I can’t make it look any worse,” which had me laughing so hard it lightened the mood. I already had these bald spots, so shaving evened it all out.
Now that I don’t have any hair, I find I am hyper focused on it! I seem to be noticing everyone’s hair more now and I can’t help but hand out the compliments. Oh your hair is so shiny, or long, or beautiful, or curly. Oh what a great cut, what a lovely color! And I mean what I say – I’m not just being superficial about their beautiful locks.
I also have to admit, I’m having fun wearing different head coverings. I have my favorite hat but I like to switch it up with scarves and beanies, and… I’ve even tried a wig! The wig feels strange but is a totally new look for me. With all the haircuts I’ve tried, I’ve never had the patience to blow out or straighten my hair. The wig gives me the chance to wear that look – a straight bob. I will say I am much more comfortable wearing the wig out in public where I don’t know anyone. Around my family and friends, it feels odd.
I’ve also gone without a head covering a few times, and I’ve taken pictures with my peach fuzz head, but I’m not brave enough to walk around with my bare head…yet.
Here are some general observations….
· As I get out of the shower, I still run my hands over my head, as if I’m wringing my hair out.
· I think after I take a shower, before running out of the house, “Oh no, I’m heading out with wet hair!”
· As I sit outside with the sun shining down, I feel the breeze going over my head and it feels as though it’s going through my hair. Phantom hair syndrome?
· And yes, my bald head gets cold!
I’ll keep trying to “have fun” with it. I’m wearing different head coverings, big earrings and even some bright lipstick at times. It’s ok, partly because I know it will grow back. Probably rough and curly, white or gray, but it will be back. This process would be harder to face if I thought it were going to stay gone forever. Just wait for the next phase….no eyelashes or eyebrows!
Here are two of the sites where I found my head coverings, in case you find yourself or a loved one in a similar situation.
Finding the Ability to stand tall…and bald!
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Finding Abilities 