Would you like the teacher to bring the elevator key and escort you to the room?” said the kind security guard. “YES! Thank you”! I said. I felt an immediate sense of relief. I would not have to slowly trudge up all those stairs to the 3rd floor. This was especially helpful since the bell was about to ring and the halls and stairwells were about to be flooded with high energy teenagers. But then my vanity took over and I was suddenly wondering, how did he know I needed an elevator? Did I look old or feeble? Did I make a pained expression at the mention of 3 flights of stairs? Did he see me hobble up the front steps? Oh my, is my disability showing?
Part of my journey is finding the ability to advocate myself, ask for what I need. I am often told that I don’t look like I have a disability. That is until I stumble as I walk or my hands shake. Yesterday, I was at the dermatologist’s office and the Dr. asked if my hands were shaking because I was nervous about the appointment. Meanwhile, the nurse had no idea that I looked at the high examination table as if it were a mountain I had to climb. Sometimes, I want people to know, to just recognize I need the help. Other times I feel my independence screaming through… don’t help me unless I ask for it! Don’t look at me as though I have a disability. It is such a fine line. If I don’t know how I want to be treated, how do others know what to do?
It was wonderful to use the elevator. I remembered that at the High School Open House, making my way slowly through the hallway was difficult. I was walking slowly through the maze searching for each classroom while trudging up and down the school stairs. I was late to each class. Note to self: Get a map in advance and ask for the elevator key next time.
Finding Abilities 